Worst day ever.

Hungover. Tired. Dehydrated. Had about 3 hours sleep last night... another crazy night on the town, another night where I drank virtually nothing and got ridiculously drunk (though not TOO drunk, thankfully). Woke up with hazy nightclub memories and the aftermath... mainly being turned upside-down by my boy mates an awful lot.

Boy's back in uni-land. He phoned me this morning but I missed the call, but when I phoned him back (out of politeness) he seemed grumpy and awkward. He made it clear he hadn't really wanted to talk to me at all, and cut it off awkwardly with "I'll call you back" (as if). Why phone me if you don't have anything decent to say?

These things are undoubtedly shit, but the real low-light of my day was my gym session.

Today I had my first personal trainer session. The first session is basically a health check and then they prescribe you a routine of exercises. I was really looking forward to finally getting some structure in my workout.

Hmm, personal trainer's very quiet... hmm, he doesn't really seem to know what he's doing, either. He was constantly stopping and staring into space for a while. He did the health check, and the one I was dreading was the body fat percentage. It was above average (bah). He was talking about how I should work out... and he said "you'll need to lose fat, of course, if you want to, well, keep on living".

What? Did you just tell me if I don't lose weight I will DIE, personal trainer man??

I'm PRETTY SURE that's what he said. I might have misheard... but that's essentially what he said.

I stepped on the scales and was thrilled to see I'd dropped to 9 stone 2... but he still seemed to be going for the "you're fat" angle. He asked me about my diet and I said I eat a lot of fruit (which is true) and he said "ah, that's got a lot of sugar, you'll eventually end up with type 2 diabetes. It's especially common with overweight people."

So I'm going to get diabetes because I eat FRUIT. And I'm overweight. It sounds like a statement, but the way he said it... he was implying I was overweight.

I JUST STEPPED ON THE SCALES IN FRONT OF YOU. MY BMI IS 22. THAT'S THE LOW END OF HEALTHY. WHAT THE HELL??

Did the breath test. I've got good breath. I've sung all my life and played the flute for about 5 years. I swam a lot as a child and was very good at swimming underwater. My breath control and lung capacity got pretty good. But oh no, personal trainer man seems so concerned he asks me "do you have lung difficulties?"

(I know that isn't so bad... but I'm so proud of my breath control. He touched a nerve there.)

Then he kinda stared around a bit more and flicked through my booklet... "oh, I'll set you a workout next week. We need to get you fat-burning so we'll work on building muscle, particularly legs and arms."

I DON'T WANT BULKY LEGS. I DANCE 5 TIMES A WEEK. I HATE HOW BULKY MY LEGS LOOK ALREADY. DON'T BULK THEM UP.

I want to be petite and thin. I don't want to be MUSCLY.

"Well, you're a woman, women don't tend to bulk up."

And then later - "you see those female body builders? They get very bulky."

ADSFDSKJFDSJHF.

So in all, I'm going to die from a combination of diabetes and general fatness, and they'll probably have trouble squashing my hench arms and legs into the coffin. And he didn't even give me a bloody workout plan.

I went to the loo and cried.

Q x