I'm moulting!

My hair is all over the house. It's annoying how I can't even blame it on anyone else, as the only other in this house who has long hair is blonde. There are long black hairs just lying around everywhere, I swear! It's ironic because I was talking to M recently about how I NEVER moult... jinxed it.

<<< Oh hi again, Vanessa Hudgens... sighhh.

WHY WHY WHY do I always binge before weigh day?? Last night we went to the pub and I was sitting opposite my friend G (girl mate) and behind her there was this picture of this gorgeous looking burger. I had to look at it whenever I wanted to talk to G. Me and M were just sitting there staring at it... M's a vegetarian but we were still fantasising about eating it. So M says to me "let's stop and get a burger on the way home" (veggie burger for her). I was like "oh no, I haven't got any money! I shouldn't, anyway." She was like "RUBBISH. I'm buying you one. Come on, let's go get one."

So I got a burger. And man, it was GOOD. But it didn't stop there. Remember L's birthday? He finally reached the point where he thought "ok, I'm not so hungover I can eat now" and whipped out the birthday cake - this massive chocolatey MESS. And he insisted we all had a slice. It was SO GOOD. But so fatty.

Bahhh.

Because of this, I'm scared to face Ricky... I'll eat normally today and check him out in the morning. I'm too worried about what that stupid amount of food late at night has done to my body.

I am feeling much skinnier these days, though. I feel like some of my bones stick out a bit more than they used to, like my collar bone and the top of my spine and my wrists, weirdly. I'm probably just imagining it, but it's good for the body confidence.

So, Boy sitch... M told me the details of exactly what he had said when she ran after him the other night, and oh mate. What a prick. Just... wow. "Q's just a friend to me. She knows that, I've made it perfectly clear." ERM NO YOU HAVEN'T. She feels like a nob for running after him, but I'm glad she did, as it was such a wake-up call. And now I'm piecing together the details of our fling of the last few months and it's all coming together... from how we got together in the first place to everything down the line. He doesn't fancy me. He probably TRIED to, but he doesn't. He liked the convenience of me, though, and the fact I was so willing, and he wanted to get over his ex girlfriend and thought this might help. But now he's hit a point where girls are throwing themselves at him... he doesn't need me. He needs to be single for a while until he can find a girl he really cares about and can commit to. And I need to hold out for a guy who knows what I'm worth.

Ha, that reminds me of that Alicia Keys song! A reeeal man knows a reeeal woman when he seees herrr! And a reeeal woman knows a reeeal man ain't afraid to please her... and a reeal man knows a reeeal woman always comes first! And a reeeal man just can't deny... a woman's worth!"

What a tune. I used to love that when I was a kid.

Speaking of songs, I was listening to this Sugababes song, and ugh, don't you hate it when the lyrics of a song completely MATCH your situation word-for-word? I was listening to this old Sugababes song and it seems to fit my head. Like a hat.

It's called Undignified. Just to prove how massively pathetic I am, here's the chorus:

So give me false hope and promise me you'll try
To redeem yourself for the hundredth time
Lie to me if you must, my dear
Give me a reason to have you here
Even false hope allows me to still believe
In this powerful love that's consuming me
I'm hooked on a drug that steals your pride
It's hard not to feel so undignified.

... Tragic.

Anyway, so I'm not gonna call him Boy any more. From now on he's just gonna get another generic friend title... he's gonna be called J.

And I'm still chewing the skin on my fingers to death. If anyone knows how to stop this stupid habit, let me know pronto.

Oh, I almost forgot - welcome, new followers! How exciting, I'm almost on double digits. Talk about pressure to be entertaining!

Love y'all.

Q x