Dance dance

Went to a dance competition yesterday. I don't know how we did but I doubt we won anything - we were against some seriously good dance schools where you have to audition to get in (unlike us - we treat it all as a bit of fun.) But watching some of the dancers from the other groups was seriously motivating! All it's made me want to do is get thinner, stronger, better. These girls were tiny and incredible dancers. I want to be that! I know I'll be in dancing for at least another year so by this time next year, I want to be like them. I'll keep going to dance (obv) and will stretch every day either at the gym or at home, plus go to lots of fitness classes to work on things like my core strength. I also need to get to a point where I can hold my own body weight with my arms (for stuff like crabs) so I'll do arm exercises and push-ups. Losing weight will help with that!

I've also been stalking my dancer friend who goes to one of the best dance schools in the country - graduating from it almost guarantees you a place in the West End, plus even the students (including her) have the chances to go to all kinds of celebrity parties and dance at events like the Royal Variety just because the school is so established - and she's looking in such great shape these days. She doesn't even want to become a dancer when she's older (I think going to this school has made her realise she's not as good as she needs to be, even though she's generally pretty amazing) but she's been plunged into this world and is so motivated and healthy all the time. Training as a dancer means she doesn't have all the unhealthy setbacks like I do, like drinking all the time (she has to go to bed at 8 o' clock after an exhausting day to wake up and start it all again at 6 in the morning) and bad eating, and she's never looked better. I'm going to be like her.

It's going downnn.

Yesterday was also my first sober night out... surprisingly good! I didn't even really realise I wasn't as drunk as I normally was or that other people around me were really drunk and I wasn't. It just seemed like a normal night out. I drank lots of red bull which gave me loads of energy to go nuts on the dance floor with my drunken friends. Good thing I'm not generally a self-conscious person, or being sober would be horrendous. Makes me happy, as it makes me think I don't NEED to drink on nights out any more. Maybe, after Lent, I'll only drink if I feel like I need to - like if I feel like I'm not having a good night already and a shot might chill me out a bit. It's always been such a thing to do with no hesitation, but Lent is teaching me I have the power to hesitate. My body will thank me!

Sorry for my ranty post the other day. Ugh, cringe. I need to stop being so bitter at my friends for small reasons - I put it down to being stressed and thus irritable. I get bitter at L (other friend who I'm living with next year) very easily too, and I think it's because I'm being over-sensitive. I need to get back to chilled-out, fun-lovin' Q. After the dance show coming up I think I'll be OK. No more stresses! Gives me a bit of time to focus on meee.

I hate ranty posts. They're like drunken texts - you read over them and you're not sure if you were in your right mind.

Food hasn't been good as of late, but the comp yesterday has given me fresh motivation and it's hard work from here. I know I aaaalways say this but I really want it to work this time. The aspiration to be a better dancer is helping with the motivation for weight loss. I can't wait to go to the gym today.

Been reading up on all your posts and loving them as usual! Apologies for generally being crap at commenting and all that. Know that I'm silently supporting you massively. I'm just bad at comments, ha.

Big lovin'

Q x