I want to be thin I want to be thin I want to be thin

etc...

D put the photos up from his night out. Remember me mentioning the Pretty Skinny Crew? My god, HOW are these girls so skinny?? Doing no exercise and eating junk? They're just... it's ridiculous HOW skinny they are. And how perfect their faces are. And their hair. And their teeth. They're beyond real. They're like the girls we see in our thinspo pics. One of them is even a recovering anorexic but she still shows off her body at any chance she can, and she still has amazing hair and teeth and tiny, perfect features. I thought anorexia was meant to make your hair fall out or something? Her hair is INCREDIBLE. It's so big and lush and voluminous.

I feel sick. I'm too, too jealous. After seeing those pictures... I can't handle how jealous I am. And how inferior I looked next to them. I always thought I looked quite normal-sized in photos, but next to them, I look like a WHALE. They have NO fat on them. Not one little bit. I can't get over this. I really can't.

I wish I could post pictures so you could see them but obviously that would be a bit weird, especially if they stumbled across this blog. I wouldn't like someone putting pictures of me on random sites without my permission.

Ergh. I hate them so much. I can't wait to be rid of these boys next year so I can be rid of these GIRLS, too. I'm getting annoyed with these boys. The other night T smashed a bottle in the hallway and he STILL hasn't cleared it up. I've been walking around with shoes on. If I have time today and it hasn't been done I'll do it, but it boggles my mind how stupid these boys are sometimes. They'll mop then LEAVE the mop in the dirty water for weeks (without me noticing) until it goes mouldy and stinks. They put cans and potatoes in the fridge. They don't flush. They just generally make a horrible mess, and are too lazy to do anything about it. One of them used the downstairs kitchen and generally turned it into a mess, then had the audacity to complain it was too messy so started using the upstairs kitchen and making it messy, annoying everyone who uses that kitchen. How are they going to survive next year? Good luck, boys.

From today, it's 8 weeks until my next dance show. The one I want to be thin for. From today, it's rigid 2 4 6 8 until I get below 9 stone. NO excuses. I need to pull myself together. And if I ever want to snack, I can only snack on food that nature could provide - stuff that could grow out of the ground or off a tree. Fruit, veg, nuts? Yes. Chocolate, biscuits? No.

I've stopped caring about hunger. Or what the body needs (2000 cals a day, pfft.) From now, it's time to be THIN.

Q x