I don't reckon that was 200 cals, muppet.

I feel better today, thankfully, but still pretty rubbish.

What have I eaten today? Hmm. A coffee. A few crackers. Half a houmous+veg wrap. A CHOCOLATE BISCUIT. That's only SO FAR. I don't think that even sticks in the 300 calorie range. I've decided - I'm only going to continue the 2 4 6 8 diet if I can continue it successfully. I.e. I didn't hit 200 today (I know I said I'd only go to 300, but I want to get down), so I'll try for 200 tomorrow, and only after I successfully do it I'll move back up to 400. And so on. I'm going to a friend's house tonight for films and she said she's having chocolate and stuff to snack on, so I'll tell them I'm too ill to eat dairy. Which is true. Even so, I don't know if I'll succumb...

NO. I WON'T eat chocolate or ANYTHING. I'll be GOOD. I've written "IMYS" on my hand (for those of you who don't know, that stands for 'it'll make you sad' - it makes me realise that eating all this junk food will only make me feel sad, not satisfied - really works!) and I'll glance at that whenever I need. Plus, B will be there, and I know she's trying to lose weight or wants to be skinny and all, so if she eats, I'll feel better for resisting. And if she refuses to eat (which she might, if she sees I'm not eating), I'll be spurred by the competition. Win win!

I need to take myself back to the days I had amazing self-control and could just watch my friends pig out and happily resist. I remember that night with J (Boy) and he even brought me a PLATE and I still resisted. SUPER WOMAN. Super Q.

You know what's weird? I have a friend, a really tiny dancer friend, who says she's a size 12. I always look and her and say girl, try a size 10, if I'M a size 10 you'd certainly be one (she's smaller than me, IMO.) But she's all "oh Q, there's NO WAY I'm getting into a size 10." But I look at photos, and she IS tinier than me. It's not just my eye - if I got a ruler and put it against the computer screen, she would be smaller! Strangely though, I even said to M, "she's daft - she's so tiny but thinks she's bigger than me." And M said, "no, I can see that, she's got big hips."

She's got smaller hips than me. And a smaller waist. Yet M thinks it's bigger? And she wears a bigger clothes size? I'M SO CONFUSED.

I don't understand my body. I don't understand myself.

Anyway.

I haven't had any time to exercise this week, at least not in a healthy state. B wants to spend the day together on Friday but I might insist we do a workout DVD. I can't stand not exercising. I already miss the gym. Workout DVDs were a godsend to me in the summer-of-losing-a-stone (that's how I like to remember it - definitely the biggest weight loss I've ever consciously made!) and even though I've rinsed them a bit, I'll keep doing them until they have no effect. Right now they still get me hot and sweaty and tired, so it's all good!

I was watching Glee, and there was a bit where Rachel said she gets up every day at 6am and gets on the 'elliptical' by 6.10am. (I think an elliptical's a cross-trainer.) Man, I wish I had a treadmill by my bed to just jump on in the morning! I'm madly jealous. Maybe one day, when I'm silly rich... I'll have my own gym room! Haha.

I wonder what Ricky thinks about all this? Won't have the chance to weigh myself on him by Friday at the earliest (I have to do it in the morning, before I've eaten anything.) I'll book him in on Friday morning.

Ciao,

Q x