Model behaviour

So there's a new show on, called Dirty Sexy Things, about a famous photographer (Perou or someone) handpicking 8 models and making them do crazy crazy shoots for an exhibition. Sort of like Britain's Next Top Model but with no competitive edge. And you get much more of an insight into the models' lives, like all their partying and sexuality and all that. Oh my god, THINSPO GALORE. They're all soooo hot. And soooo skinny. And the men are beefcakes. There's this one girl called Charlotte, who I just want to BE. She's got an absolutely beautiful face, so photogenic, and so tiny. That and she's super comfortable just strutting around naked, which some of the others aren't. Which I find a really attractive quality in people, no matter what they look like; even if I don't have it myself! Ah well, fake it til you make it. I'm determined to strut around in my underwear in my girls' house next year. Which could be an error as one of my friends just recently got a boyfriend and if he suddenly pops up, he's in for a shock! But ah well. Should be more of an incentive to get skinnier, too. There's another guy in the show who has the route I've heard of more than once: was fat -> got skinny -> got too skinny and got anorexic -> got out of that and became a model. It almost seems like publicising that is a bad message. Like girls will read that and go 'ok, I need to be anorexic, then pull myself out of it and get a teeny bit more flesh on me and THEN I'll have the right body to be a model'. Hmm.

If you're into those model type shows, like BNTM, or ANTM or what, you should watch this on TV/find it on the internet. It's probably better than all those shows actually because it's real, and grungy. And you will see sex (probably) and binge-drinking and attractive English people in their pants. And by pants I mean underwear. In case that sounded like a disappointment.

I feel weirdly competitive with M at the moment as she says she's aiming for a first next year. We got our results recently and although I don't know my average (still got an exam to sit), she says hers is 66.8. Which is GOOD. Better than I can get. And I feel like... if she's gonna be smarter than me, work harder, fair enough (as I'm too busy with Dance/uni paper/Student Union stuff to be physically able to get a first), but I want to prove myself too. So I want to be better looking? Oh my gaawd I'm such a bitch. I've done this game all too often. I'm so self obsessed! I can't stand people triumphing over me. SHUT UP Q. Be happy with your friends and be happy with yourself.

I'm still gonna try, though. Doh.

For those of you unfamiliar with British uni grades, we don't really have As and Bs and Cs and all that (not at most unis, anyway) but you've got your grade rankings: third, 2:2, 2:1 and first. It goes by your score in exams and things - I think it's out of 100. Any less than 40 and you fail. 40 - 49 is a third, 50 - 59 is a 2:2, 60 - 69 is a 2:1, and 70 + is a first. No-one ever ever gets above 80. Like, it's physically impossible. Even if you write the best paper in the WORLD, you won't get above 80. I don't know why they bother even saying it's out of 100. Formality, I suppose. You get a mark for every separate assessment you do and it averages out to one overall mark.

Most people (the ones who are bothered to work at uni and are smart enough to go) get on average 2:2 or 2:1. If you really work hard at essays, you should end up with a 2:1. I work hard at my essays. With some subjects, it's kind of impossible to get a 1st unless you're so good you shouldn't even still be in education any more, you should already have your PHD. I'd say English at my uni is one of those subjects. So I'm always happy to get 2:1s; the higher the better. Some subjects, they throw firsts out like sweets. It really does depend. But that's why I know it's physically impossible for me to get a first - if I wanted a first in English, I'd have to do literally NOTHING outside of my course. I'd have to spend any free time I had outside of lectures studying. And who wants that life??

But yeah. Explanation over.

I'm going into London to the glossy mag tomorrow and I'm super super nervous. I'm having full-on body prep tonight - I want to impress the editors and I know there will be pictures taken (which people across the country may see, argh) so I want to look my best. I've worked hard at growing my nails and not biting the skin on my fingers for a week now so I can look manicured and polished. Will it pay off? Who knows.

I just wish I was skinnier for it. I get so depressed when you hear middle-aged women talking about the amazing bodies they had when they were teenagers/20-year-olds. I'm supposed to have the best body of my life right now and I don't even have a good body! And yet this is the one I will pine for in 20 years or so... I shudder to think!

Enough of all this then. Over and out,

Q x