Happy new year my darlings! What a year it's going to be. I LOVE fresh starts. What do you hope for this year? This is what I hope for:- Get skinny, obviously! I'd love to be 8 and a half stone. I think it's manageable. Ideally I'd love to get to 8 stone and be pretty and petite, but I wouldn't let myself get lower than that. I'd be happy with an 8 stone body and I do want to stay in the healthy BMI category. Just for peace of mind.
- Pass second year of uni. Hopefully with a 2:1. Or a 1st! But let's not get wistful. I'll do my best and see what happens!
- Become much more open with men. I might start taking a yes-man approach - I get hit on a lot but I'm always nervous and turn things down. Maybe I should just start embracing what comes my way. As long as I'm smart about it, it'll be alright. Who knows what could happen!
- Be prettier and girlier. It's been going well so far! I feel much happier with myself. Even very small, simple things like wearing nail polish add such a change to how I feel about myself. Going well!
- Have non-gross red raw fingers from picking and biting the skin... (hoping Amy will join me with this, haha!)
- Make more time for my friends. Just generally have a better balance of the things in my life - work, dance, friends. But go out less! I drink far too much and I want to calm it down.
Oh yeahhh, what a year. I've bored you with my full-on resolutions before so I won't repeat them, but you get the gist from the above. I had an alright night last night - started off with drinking games with B, her housemate and a load of housemate's male friends (who were friendly enough), ended up at a massive nightclub I've never been to before with completely different people, felt comfortable with myself and my outfit, just boogied the night away. Didn't stay too late (only until about 2 o'clock) but I didn't mind. I end up fantasizing about bed anyway (though I did end up crashing on the floor, standard.)
Went with B. She's been feeling so rubbish about her weight these days and I hate to say it, she's starting to become like reverse-thinspo to me. We've always been a similar weight and size, but now she's heavier than she's ever been - heavier than I've ever been, too. She told me her weight at the start of the evening and I wish she hadn't, because I became so AWARE of it. I cruelly kept spotting petty things like the fact she's got a double-chin now. Then all she wanted to do was eat - eat before the night, eat after, eat as soon as we woke up. When we went to the train station to go home she was going on about eating some pastry thing with cheese and bacon and sausage and it was enough to put me off eating. I ended up getting a mocha - I hate it when they don't have just white coffee available. I don't really like any other kind of coffee (Americano, cappucino, that kind of thing) so I have to go for the highest-cal option!
It just frustrates me when people are all "ohhh I'm so fat I need to lose weight" but then don't bother actually doing anything. She was going on about going to the gym in the morning (she's one of those who has a gym membership but has never used it) and didn't. And she wanted to eat pizza after a night out! If she's so aware of her weight and so unhappy, why doesn't she try and change things? I wouldn't be so mad if she embraced food and her weight, like M, which is inspirational. I'd love to feel that comfortable, and that's probably why M looks so good and healthy when she eats quite a lot of junk food. But when it's clear she isn't happy but won't put in the effort, that's what's frustrating. I might just get skinnier and skinnier in protest. Hell, I'm planning on getting skinnier and skinnier anyway!
Oh, and the hair's turned out a nice colour. It's not as red as I hoped (Ariana, you're right - I do have Asian hair which means any colour doesn't really show) but it has made my hair tone so much warmer, somehow. It was dark brown and kind of a flat colour before, but now it looks much more lush. It seems slightly darker too, but it's a nice shade. It compliments my face. Basically, I'm pleased! I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture.
Awright, gonna love you and leave you here. Hooray to new starts!
2011 - THE YEAR OF THE SKINNY GIRL
Battle cry!
Q x
I love the "year of the skinny girl!" That's awesome! I like your resolutions! I'm not familiar with the UK measurement so I always have to convert stones over to pounds! You sounded like you had so much fun last night! I had a friend that would complain about her weight some- she's way over 200 pounds, would say how she wishes she was skinnier, then go get a huge piece of cake! I look at my overweight friends' eating & exercise habits that way I know what NOT to do! Then I have the opposite friend- the one who's chubby and she's completely fine with it- heck, I wish I had that sort of confidence! Glad your hair turned out nicely! If it's darker than what you wanted, hair color always fades a bit after washing it =)
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omg Q i'm totally with you on the finger biting thing!! i forgot to put it in my own resolutions and then last night (the night of the 1/1/11) i was sitting there having a bit of a munch and thought "oh shit i forgot about the nail thing!!!" so i started that right then and i've been awake for a whole 45mins this morning and haven't touched my fingers haha.
ReplyDeletei wish i had a reverse thinspo friend, or a fatter friend. all the girls in my group are skinny (well, skinnier than me) - so basically i'm the fatty of the group. they've all got skinnier builds so i'll never be quite as tiny as them but i wish i wouldn't stand out as the fat one! that's the goal :)
stay strong xx