Halloween's a pickle

Yesterday was a flop, so I've been extra strict today.

DAY TEN - 400 CAL ALLOWANCE (Sort of Day Three... seeing as I plan to extend it a week)

Food:
1 bowl of shreddies with skimmed milk - 200
1 small cheese salad - 70 (for the cheese)
1 Muller Light yoghurt - 95
1 square of Bournville chocolate - 36 (Cadbury's dark chocolate... GORGEOUS. I had to buy a whole bar to break open a tenner but it was upsetting throwing the rest away.)
Bowl of brocolli and cauliflower florets - 0 (that count towards the total, at least)
Diet coke - 0

Total - 401. I'll forgive myself for that 1 calorie over the limit. I probably burnt that off just from typing!

Exercise:
1 hour of ballet - 50 cals burned

Not baaad! I've got a massive food shop delivery arriving tonight so I can only hope I'll keep up the self-control... I'd better, it's weigh-day tomorrow. Ooer.

So hungry right now. Got that horrible malnourished feeling...

So clueless about what to do for Halloween. Remember I said I wanted a Medusa outfit? Well SO MUCH is going on this year (club nights galoooore) but no-one seems to be up for doing ANYTHING so I might go for something a bit simpler... I could just end up at some lame house party. The costume'll probably be last-minute, too. Bahh. Why are my friends so rubbish?

Nothing else really going on with my life right now... I'll leave you here! Should really be writing an essay, sigh. Until tomorrow... (hopefully)

Peace out

Q x

I suck

... At regular blogging. DFSLKFJSKDJF. I won't rant about this tiny pc as I've ranted enough, and I'm sure you'll all want to give me a good smack in the chops if I start off on one again. So we'll leave it at that.

Week one of the re-start SGD hasn't gone as well as I've liked. It started well, but a few days in it became increasingly hard to monitor how many calories were in each piece of food. I think I stuck roughly to the set amount, but I'm not 100% sure. Because of this, I might extend it a week to compensate. Humm.

Today's been alright though... so far!

DAY EIGHT - 400 CAL ALLOWANCE

Food:
1 cup of coffee - 10
1 small Morning Glory (I'm addicted) - 150
1 grilled sausage (185) with a slice of bread (55) - 240
1 small chicken salad - 50 (the salad doesn't really count, so I'm only counting calories for the chicken)
Diet coke - 0
Water - 0

Total - 450. 50 cals over... good thing I've got dance class to burn it off!

Exercise:
2 hours of tap - 100 cals burned

(I'm going to estimate that an hour-long class burns 50 cals... could be right, could be wrong, ah well!)

So, not bad at all. Tomorrow will be difficult (I hate Tuesdays!) but such is life.

Ricky told me 9 stone 3 lbs this morning... not too shabby, though I'm definitely going to surge to get under 9 stone! Christ, feel like I've hit a block.

I do feel terribly guilty about the lack of blog love I've been giving as of late. I've been using a friend's laptop since my one broke but I'm far too paranoid of going on this site on that in case it somehow shows up and she finds out. Hence why I'm having to do everything skinny-related safely on my notebook. I'm hoping to have my new laptop by the end of November and I promise to be on top of my game by then! And I'll have a good catch-up of all of your blogs... I feel like I'm missing out on all the fun!

You all make me so proud. And I'm sorry for being so shit. I hope you can love me regardless.

Also BIG LOVE to new followers. I really do appreciate all the support I get, and every comment means the world. You're all SO AWESOME.

C'est tout.

Q x

Freshhh

So, back to blogging, because I NEED it. And I've decided my blog looks laame without pictures, so I've snagged a few from some thinspo sites and will work with these! I miss the beasty collection of pics I had on the other laptop but I'll get them back eventually (thankfully, the hard drive could be saved).

I've decided to start the SGD from fresh. I was genuinely curious as to whether or not it'd work and it bugs me that I seemed to give up on it halfway through, so it's beginning again! I'll be more hardcore with it this time, and I'll try and post every day. Again, I'm not including alcohol, though.

Won't have a chance to post later so here's my plan for today WHICH I WILL STICK TO:

DAY ONE (400 CALS)

Food:
Bowl of Shreddies with skimmed milk - 200 cals (d'oh - ate this already without knowing how calorific it'd be)
Regular Morning Glory smoothie (if you remember those bad boys) - 200 cals
Diet coke - 0 cals

Total - 400 cals

Exercise:
Dance class - 2 hours of Tap (no idea how many calories it burns!)

So, er, yeah. That'll be my day. Was planning to weigh myself every Monday morn but I have no idea what I weigh today, so I'm gonna say 9 stone 4. How much can I drop in a month? Stay tuned...

You may be happy to know I can now get to 30 mins straight running on the treadmill - HURRAH. Determined to push myself every time I get on it. Tried to do 32 mins yesterday but got to 25 and wanted to throw up (damn flu) so gave it a rest... but I'll be on 32 next time!

Catch y'all later

Q x

I owe you an update

My laptop is frazzled, so I don't know when I'll be able to post with pictures again... maybe not until January. Argh! I've really fallen off the wagon without all the blogging - I seem to want food all the time. I'm going to start blogging regularly again to get back into the mindframe, but probably not as often as before, as this tiny keyboard is really frustrating. I really can't stand typing on it.

WHY OH WHYYY HAS MY BEAUTIFUL LAPTOP LEFT ME.

My life has been decidedly shitty as of late, but perhaps I can pull my eating together and still get skinny by Halloween. One thing I am is BUSY. Dancing every day and squeezing in my studies around it all is making things pretty manic, but it's exciting at the same time. I love having lots to do.

Speaking of Halloween, I want to go as Medusa. Planning to get a black bed sheet and turn it into a toga but I have NO idea how to make the snake hair. Nowhere seems to sell toy snakes! Debating making them... but how to make snakey hair that looks awesome and convincing? Definitely need to get my thinking cap on here. Any ideas? Let me know!

Saw a picture on the side of a bus yesterday - it was an advert for a weight loss program, and the hook was 'love your scales'. Set my mind on a ramble as I envisioned loving Ricky whilst he showered me with adoration, praise and tiny, tiny numbers. We'd make a happy couple.

Shame he's still a dick.

Fluctuation away from the SGD has set me solid at 9 stone 4, which could be worse, but I'm DETERMINED to get to under 9 stone by Halloween... off to the gym!

Love to you all,

Q x

Blogging hiatus

My laptop's broken. I'm writing on my tiny little notebook right now but I couldn't do this all the time. Plus I have none of my pics. Bahh.

You wanna know how it happened? Tis a tale of woe and horror. Brace yourselves. I had a dancer mate of mine round last night... she's never crashed at my house before but she did last night. We were both pretty drunk. We went to sleep... I wake up and she's wandering around my room opening windows and stuff. Seems pretty out of it... talking complete nonsense. Then she hoists herself up on to my desk and is sitting on my laptop... then I hear the unmistakeable noise of PEEING. That's right, she PISSED on my laptop. When I asked her what she was doing, more gobbledegook. Eventually she went back to bed. Sleep walking, I suspect. She's NOT a person who would do that at all. I get up to mop it up, and it's everywhere. All over my beautiful laptop. She wakes up properly, gets up to help me and realises what she's done, and begins crying miserably. Mortified! Once we clean it up... AHFJHD WHY WON'T IT TURN ON NOOOO. I love my laptop! And now it's gone... because of one drunk girl's sleepy and disgusting actions.

Told you it was bad.

I'm not allowed to tell anyone really as she's so embarrassed and promises to pay for all damages or a new laptop... but I don't want a new laptop. I want mine! And I don't expect her to pay, they can cost up to 600 quid these days. We're students. We're poor.

Took it to the repair man... PLEASE FIX IT MR REPAIR MAN PLEASE PLEASE.

So I won't be blogging until I have it back. Can't say when that'll be. Right in the middle of the SGD, bah humbug! I'll still check up and support all your blogs when I can, I just find it frustrating typing so much on this tiny keyboard. Hopefully won't be too long!

Keep up the work, promise to be back soon!

Love you all,

Q x

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."

Said by good ol' Walt Disney. I got a poster today packed full of inspirational and memorable quotes said by inspirational and/or memorable people. Quite a jolly read.

I guess that's what I'm doing, talking... and not really doing.

Alas, today wasn't that much better than yesterday. I'm rubbish at monitoring calorie intake. I daresay I'm unworthy to even blog at this point! The main culprits of today... a bowl of branflakes (95 cals) and a bowl of pasta with tomato sauce (probably about 200 cals). So in total... 295 cals. If that had been it, that would have been fine! But what else did I consume? Quite a bit of chocolate soya milk... someone a while back recommended alpro soya milk, so I grabbed some of that during my jaunt to Tesco, and it's definitely much less calorific but tastes good... so thanks! But I had about 3 glasses today, probably. Plus a few rice cakes with houmous again. What are the calorie totals? Who knows... arghh.

Ariana, you asked about houmous... if you're American or from some other country you might know it as 'hummus', but it tastes AMAZING. It's made out of chickpeas (which I also love) and you can use it as a dip for breadsticks or cucumber sticks... or, in my case, rice cakes and crackers! Yummy.

You also asked about what kind of dance I do... currently I do ballet, tap, modern, street and lyrical, but I've been known in my lifetime to do ballroom, Latin American, classical Indian, contemporary, jazz, African and probably some others which I can't remember. I loooove to dance.

Anywho.

So my food isn't too spiffing, AND I didn't have time to go to the gym today, but tomorrow shall consist of a hardcore workout! The dancing is at least getting me sweaty, so that's a good sign. We'll see how it all goes.

I WILL STICK TO THAT 400 CALORIE LIMIT TOMORROW IF IT KILLS ME. I'll plan it now. I'll just have a coffee for breakfast, that's only about 15 calories. At lunch I'll grill some chicken and eat it with salad... the chicken and mayo will probably come to about 200 cals (sadly), so that's 200 out of the way. Then... hmm... maybe some crackers whenever I feel like snacking. I've run out of houmous now (boo) but I can still have them with a bit of butter. I'll invest in some more diet coke too. I see all that being in my 400 cal limit! Topnotch.

Now, must get back to reading bloody Jane Austen... I hate Victorian literature, but it must be read for my course. Dammit.

I'll do this for you, bloggers! Bloody hell, I need to step it up before I crash and fail at life.

Q x

I feel like I'm going to explode

I've eaten SO MUCH today. What the hell? Where did the SGD calorie allowance go? I'm going mad. It was a promising start... I had a Morning Glory smoothie, was set to have coffee when I got home and then get a choc shake from the Union before dance... but then I ended up going food shopping. Bad idea. Grapes... ok. Rice cakes with houmous... hmm. Bit of potato salad... right. Then the choc shake. But then I was so knackered from dance... a kit kat! And a packet of crisps! NO. Then crackers and houmous... then a bowl of branflakes!

WHY AM I RUBBISH.

Can't even fathom how many calories that is. Don't want to think about it! I NEED THE GYM.

Me, M, A and housemate T are having a chilled night in... and now the three of them have gone to get takeaway. Dammit! Why? If they offer me some... hopefully this full-to-burst feeling will mean the food isn't in any way tempting to me.

Fat chance. Emphasis on the 'fat' there.

On the plus side, at least dancing's started up again. So with that and the gym, exercise is set to be good. Definitely going to the gym tomorrow, either before or after my midday lecture. And then dance in the evening. S'aaall good.

Blogger was weird to me yesterday. Tried to write my post and then it asked me for the date and time... it said 10 past 12 or something, but it was 10 past 8 in the evening UK time, so I changed the time, hoping it would say that on the post. But then it said it would post it at 10 past 8, and wouldn't even let me post it immediately! So that post went up 8 hours after I wrote it. Weird.

Fanks for all the supportive comments. Definitely feeling optimistic, especially now a new academic year is beginning.

Let's see how it goes. I promise I'll be back to my good self-controlling self tomorrow! Don't lose faith.

Q x

Return of Ricky.

Err, hi, Ricky...

"Sup, bitch? Long time... all that drinkin' is messin' you up, bloody alcoholic. Still, got good news for ya..."

9 stone 2 lbs. I hadn't even used the loo yet. THANKS RICK. It's only a 2 lb loss... but that's 2 lbs closer to the 8 stone boundary!

Had the most mellow day of my life. After the gym (which was crap - could only do about half an hour cardio, bloody Freshers Flu) I've just been chilling in my room with the lights turned down, working on my novel a bit, listening to the likes of Mumford & Sons, Florence & the Machine, The Temper Trap, Regina Spektor, Doves, Feist, all that... oh mate, so chilled. Perfect way to spend a Sunday.

Sadly, the food hasn't been great. I had a small bowl of branflakes for breakfast (95 cal) and a wee bit of pasta for lunch (I'd average it to about 200 cal), but I got a bit happy with the tinned salmon + mayo on toast in the afternoon. Ever had that? Sounds bizarre, but actually tastes pretty good. In a crappy student meal kinda way. I had about 3 slices of that... I can only pray it wasn't over 350 cals, but I'm pretty sure it was. Hello again, gym.

It's nice having a 650 cal allowance on the weekend... but the week starts again tomorrow, and I am not looking forward to Tuesday! It was definitely the most difficult day of last week, as my other SGD girls might have experienced too, so I'll just have to stare at thinspo pics and blog whenever I find the time to stay motivated.

I hope it's going well for all the others too! And I hope all my followers' lives are peachy. I've been feeling quite optimistic today, actually. If my experience with Boy taught me anything, it's that if I want a boy, I have to make the effort to get him. And whilst this fling didn't go well due to extra emotional baggage, maybe the next one won't have that setback. At least I know blokes are willing to give it a try. Boy had a lot of girls on him, but he gave it a shot with me... maybe he saw potential. Characteristics in me that he thought he might be able to love. Sadly, he was still hurting far too much from his last relationship, but it doesn't change the fact those characteristics were there. So it's a self-esteem boost, sort of. Other people might see those characteristics and WILL be able to love them. They'll be able to love me. My 2010 resolution was to be much more open with guys... and it's been a success so far. The right one will come along, maybe sooner than I think.

Chin up!

Q x

How could you be so heartless?

Where did I put my violin?

Oh, talking to Boy was a bad idea. No, it was a good one. I just heard some SHOCKING stuff. You know what he said? "I haven't felt ANYTHING for ANY girl at all since my ex. I haven't felt anything for 18 months. I'm going to need a good few years to get over her."

Oh man, I wanted to punch him. I was even wearing a knuckleduster ring, it would have hurt... though it said 'love' on it so that's a bit ironic. But anyway. 18 months.

"I do like you... as a friend."

I guess it's hard for me to explain as I only briefly summed our fling up... but I was in deep. I'll say that. Hearing this hurt like a mother. My poor ears. They hurt to hear those words.

WHAT A TWAT.

Feel like shit now. Could happily never see him again to be fair... might even get away with it. Annoyingly we have a similar friendship crowd, but we're only connected by certain people, and I'm not super close to any of those people, so I don't see him regularly - I only see him on nights out these days, so if I just run away at the sight of him, I can successfully avoid him forever. Deleted him on Facebook, deleted his number and all his texts, deleted him on Skype. Yeah, you're welcome to leave my life. Need a hand getting out? I'm sure I could spare you a shove.

Food... well, I feel like I've gone over the 650 cal limit already with some massive wrap thing I ate at lunch plus breakfast, so I'm just gonna sip diet coke today. You'll be happy to know my last session with my PT at the gym wasn't bad at all, and he showed me a well good tricep exercise that actually BURNS. So bye-bye, bingo wings!

Dance starts up again on Monday. I'm so glad to have it - I'm a very, very important part of organising it all and our events (let's just say I run the show) so it's amazing to constantly be keeping busy... takes my mind off things.

Life is not a barrel of laughs, but all I can do is keep plodding on, eh?

Stay strong, bloggers.

Q x

Bloated.

Sorry about the lack of update! You know what - yesterday was pretty awful too. I'm getting back on track today, but yesterday... I went to a VIP thing at a club with free champagne because I'm clearly that awesome and they had CANAPES. They were... nice. I ate... a few. A lot. You know what though? My body punished me, and I MUCH prefer the feeling of being malnourished and starving at a club than the feeling of being ridiculously bloated. At least with the former you feel skinny. So yeah. No no no not a good idea again.

What's the limit today? 450? I've already had a 95 cal bowl of cereal so 355 left for the day... I'm thinking a cereal bar before I go to the gym at lunchtime which is 61 cals so then I'd have 294 left... awesome.

Got my third (and last) PT session at the gym today. Pray for me.

The blokes on the last couple of nights out are ridiculous. I know Fresher boys are notoriously pervy but I wanted to punch a lot of them last night. Felt quite flattered the night before, though - we had to dress up in a beachy theme so I had denim shorts and a bright coral-coloured top and of course lots of Hawaiian flower necklaces and flowers in my hair, and I got a lot of head turns. HURRAH. Apparently I need that pathetic self esteem boost. Even Boy - sorry, J - remarked that my outfit looked great. Of course, M ruined it when we got home. We were talking about weight loss and losing weight over summer, and I said casually that I'd lost quite a bit but it wasn't really noticeable. Her and G told me it was noticeable, and M was all "yeah... stop there." I was like huh? She then started looking at pics and going "my GOD, Q, you look SO THIN. It's disgusting. You look like you're starving yourself! Look at your arms in that pic... that's so anorexic!"

Well, that's rude. I mean, sure, I sort-of am starving myself to be skinny but where does she get off saying I look awful? If I turned to her and said "Good lord, M, lose some weight, your flabby arms look horrific!" she'd be horrified. Yet it's ok for her to say I look gross.

What a self esteem crash. I know she's just jealous.

(I'd like to stress - I do NOT look anorexicly thin, I'm still about 130 lbs for christ sake, but in some photos I looked a bit thinNER, and this apparently displeased M.)

I'm worried now she'll notice if I don't eat a lot and start forcing me to eat. I'm gonna do the ol' trick of talking animatedly about all the nice food I'd just eaten before she got here (aka lie) to fend her off.

You're gonna hate me, but I want to talk to J tonight. After the other night when he was floating around me a lot but didn't try anything on I'm frustrated and confused. And I hate this confused feeling... so if I see him tonight, I'm getting it out of him - what he actually thinks of me and why he's being such a dick about it. If he says he doesn't like me (which I'm fully expecting) I'll at least have closure and won't have to be so stupidly hopeful all the time. I'll get my bloody answers if it kills me!

Dance starts up again soon... 2-3 hours of dancing per night? Yes please!

Adios,

Q x