I got 99 followers but a bitch ain't one

D'you get it?

It's because you're all AWESOME. No bitches here. I need to stop using that song for puns in this blog.

The soeur and I have taken up morning-jogging. Turns out all it took was a bit of fellow motivation to get cracking on that. I haven't exercised properly in a while, and neither has she - so we suck. I ran for about 6 minutes then got knackered. Plus a lot of area round here is uphill, and running uphill hurts so much we nearly DIED. How tragic and unfit.

Still, it's nice to have some exercise motivation. I've decided to buck up my ideas and give myself a fresh kick come August. And then I'll turn 20! And it'll be like 20-resolutions. What were my 19-resolutions? I'm going back to my first post to have a look...

'Q is 19 years old. Just turned, actually. 19 is a strong year for her. 19 is the year she's going to get a boyfriend after years of single life' - err, fail.
'to lose her virginity properly (I don't think the last time really counts)' - double fail.
'You know those girls who everyone wants to be? ... They've got a great figure, a great dress sense, a great boyfriend, they're LOVELY, they're achingly perfect in every way... 19 is the year I'm going to become one of those girls.' - another fail. Though to be fair I don't know about that one - some people might think of me like that. One of my dance girls told me she's always thought I was really cool. Which is nice. I do try to be 'lovely'. And I have got a good dress sense (if I do say so myself.) Though obv no boyfriend... or great figure.

Mind you, 19 has been a year my confidence has soared to the top. And because of that, I'm seizing all sorts of opportunities and getting all sorts of career excitement. And I DO feel pretty. I'm in that phase at the moment. A friend of mine - who is one of THOSE GIRLS, who you want to be - told me that when she met me, she thought I was really pretty. Well, her actual words were 'I thought you were really pretty but a bit grumpy!' It was during a ballet class, so I must have been in HARDCORE SERIOUS DANCE mode. And she's so gorgeous herself! It's nice to hear that from her. And L, future housemate, said her boyfriend Facebook-stalked me and thought I was very pretty. When you get told it a lot, you start to think it might be true. Hmm.

It's depressing that after a year, I'm only 2 lbs lighter than I started thanks to all the yo-yoing, but it's still been a fun journey. And I'm physically fitter (when I'm on form - er, the jogging doesn't count) because of my efforts to try to get skinnier. So it's not all bad. But there's still a lot of fat on me. My body might think it's at a healthy weight (hence why it's not budging), but it's not.

I've forgotten about the weekly-weighing-losing-2-lbs thing, I need to get back on that.

I read an article with Tracy Anderson the other day - my god, all I hear about are celebrities raving about how awesome she is, and how she always says 'I can take any woman with any body type and make her look like a teeny tiny dancer'. I wish I could afford this woman! I might buy her workout DVDs and see what they're like. I read reviews online and it said you need quite a lot of space in your house, which I might not necessarily have at uni, but worth a shot. When I get paid, I'll give it a whack.

I think I'm gonna watch a film now. Love love,

Q x

Seriously?

So B's on a MEGA diet, eating like, 500 calories a day max. And for some weird reason, it pisses. me. off.

Restricting is MY thing. Does that sound stupid?? It does. But I don't care. I've always felt like I had the slight edge over her because I was capable of restricting, when a lot of people aren't. Obviously we, here, all are, because we've got that drive. But now she's just come into it. Ugh.

And she's BRAGGING about it. The whole point is you DON'T TELL ANYONE. Hence the extreme anonymity on this blog! How she can do it at home in front of her parents is beyond me. And she's going on about the fact she's losing a pound a day. I'm sorry, but doesn't losing a pound of fat require burning 3500 calories? Is she really working out that much? Weight fluctuates all the time. You should weigh yourself once a week, minimum, to get an accurate reading. She's being blissfully oblivious and acting like she's better than me because she's doing this hardcore dieting.

ANGRY BITTER ANGRY BLAARGH.

She doesn't look any thinner. She still has bad hair. And bad dress sense.

We went to the cinema, and you know when you're dieting, you look at people stuffing their faces and you think, ew? Well, this had an opposite effect on me. I was determined to stuff my face in front of her. While she snacked on strawberries I bought mini chocolate biscuits, and ate them happily. It's like I was trying to say... look at me, stuffing my face, and I'm still skinnier than you, I still have good dress sense and nice hair and all that. I haven't put on any weight.

I don't want to be around her now. Her dieting DOES make me feel a bit guilty. Plus... it's just boring to have a social time with someone who's just bragging about restricting. Be secretive about it, fair enough. But don't rub it in my face.

OMG people dieting turns me into a HORRIBLE person. But I think you all know this.

It's not even that, really. I don't mind when my friends diet - I support them. I've always felt competitive with B, but I've still supported her dieting (generally). But now she's restricting? And happily chatting about her yoghurt for breakfast and her plain salad for dinner? How can you boast about that?

Blaaaaaaaargh.

I think I've written this exact post before. I'm repeating myself.

I'll shut up now.

I'm 3 followers away from 100, and that's pretty exciting. I still remember the little thrill I got when I saw 1 person was following my blog! I still love the idea of people reading my words and thinking I'm funny, or whatever, or interesting, or basically worth following for whatever reason. Plus, this is probably the nicest community of people I've ever encountered. People have such stigma around girls who support each other to get skinny, but it's probably the nicest group of people online.

Peace out. Sorry for the rant.

Q x

Generic title

I've been taking things easy at the moment, and I'm enjoying it. I've only been making the teensiest changes to my diet, like taking no sugar in my coffee and skipping on snacks. And of course, only eating when I'm genuinely hungry. I'm looking forward to when this bloody rain will go away and I can exercise outside!

My mum's got this new obsession with hula hooping. Supposedly doing 10 minutes of it burns as many calories as 10 minutes of jogging or something? She's got this absolutely giant hoop and just stands in the garden doing it. I wish I knew how to hula hoop! Maybe I should learn. Granted you look stupid as hell, but it also looks quite fun!

There's a bit of a gloom over the family at the moment as my aunty's getting seriously ill. My family are pretty hardcore, generally - on both sides, they don't seem to get killed by only ONE illness - take my gran for example, who lived to the grand old age of 97, and somehow managed to get over pneumonia in her 90s, and this aunty has been through cancer and arthritis and lung infections and all sorts, not to mention being disabled, but I think she's starting to feel like she's reaching the end of her tether. Then my uncle's getting all depressed because he's bascially her full time carer and he's not exactly young and he's finding it hard to cope. It's been seriously weighing on my mum's mind, I can tell, but I never really know what to say.

Mind you, I hope this surviving-deadly-illness thing is genetic. If I inherit all the good stuff from both sides of my family, I'll practically live to 100 after beating all sorts of crazy illnesses and I'll look like I'm 40. Can you imagine...

Crazy days!

In other news, I'm getting a break from all the on-my-feet work which is nice, though it's hardcore journalism stuff at the moment. And then I've got to start prepping for my August exam, ugh. Can't wait.

Craving a kitkat. Can't explain why.

Q x

Ok, not bad

<< This here is Jade Ewen, and although she's kind of a flop with the Sugababes (where've they gone?) she's amazingly skinny and pretty. But pressing on...

Hey Ricky!

9 stone 4. Much better than I was expecting! Wonderfully average. Whew! So I'm setting myself 2 pounds to lose this week. Next Monday morning, I shall be 9 stone 2. I'm taking it all veeery slowly. Today my mission is simply to only eat when I am hungry. I'll build up on it each day.

It's been raining a lot, which is depressing as I'm at the point where I want to re-start jogging. I figure I'll need it next year without the gym, and I want to build up good jogging stamina while I can. It's a shame I can't afford the gym, but this will be fun and free. Admittedly, I live in a much nicer area to jog at home than I do at uni, which is a very urban area, but I can investigate. M likes jogging too in the early morning so I might get her on board to find some good jogging areas.

Today was a bit of a fail at the dieting. It was going well - I had a moderate breakfast, and planned to have an apple for lunch, until I got to this training thing at work and they insisted I take a 20-minute break for lunch. I wasn't even hungry. Anyway, in the end they flipping escorted me to the shop and I caved and bought a bar of Cadbury's Bournville. I figured because it's dark chocolate it might make me feel sick and thus not want to eat for ages! Didn't really work, as I ate 2 slices of toast when I got home, but I feel sick now thinking of it. Gahh. At least dinner was small and relatively healthy - my mum's stir-fry veg with noodles. Still, I broke my own rule.

Never mind! There's always tomorrow - and tomorrow we're going shopping, so hello, pressure to look good in clothes.

If this works, and I lose 2 lbs in a week, the next week I can set myself at 9 stone. That'd be my lowest weight in AGES. Lowest weight since I started the blog, for sure. And past that... I can't even bear to think of it, I want it so much. Very soon I turn 20, and it'd be wonderful to welcome it in at a low weight. Sets the year off to a good start.

Come on, Q! You can do it!

Q x

Pretty girls

Facebook stalking this girl. She's so beautiful and so thin. She looks frail and delicate. And gorgeous.

SIGH. Just looking at her makes me never want to eat again. Maybe I should look at her whenever I want to binge! I wish I could post a picture of her, but it might look weird if she was to ever stumble across this blog.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't exercise at all. So does she just eat nothing?? Confusing. Her hair is so long and dark and gorgeous. Sighhhh. It doesn't help that she's full on getting love interest from this guy who is HOT. Skinny girls will aaalways get the most love. Depressing, and often denied, but TRUE AS ANYTHING.

If I had whiter teeth and was thinner, I'd be happy! And if I had smaller boobs.

I've been thinking about my diet next year, and how to alter it now I am POOR. Red meat is expensive, right? Maybe I should just give up on red meat (well, not completely, I don't think I could SURVIVE without beef) - eat it once a week or something? I dunno. I need to teach my body to adjust to only one meal a day, too. I'm thinking of making some kind of ordinary meal in the evening, put it in the fridge and eat it and splitting it off for the next day - eating a bit at 11am, maybe about 3pm and then having something like a yoghurt in the morning. Not only saving money, but cutting down my calories too! If I can't afford a gym membership any more, I have to make my calories count. Alcohol shouldn't be as much as a problem any more, as I certainly can't afford it - nor do I have the time to go out drinking as frequently as I've been doing.

I'm stalking her wearing a blue dress now. The dress isn't tight, but you can see her hip bones through it. My god!

THE DREAM

I'm gonna do something tomorrow morning. Something that I will probably regret. I'm going to say hello to Ricky. And whatever weight I am at, I am going to have lost at least 2 lbs by the following week. Goal - 5. Yes. Small and gradual goals... the way forward!

Q x

Yowch

My legs and feet are KILLING me. I curse the foody job, but I probably do burn a lot of calories standing up and running around and pushing trolleys for 7 or 8 straight hours. My calf muscles are in so much pain. I obviously haven't used them in a while. Oh dear! I'll be doing this all week, too. I got my mum to give me a foot massage when I got home and it was BLISS. God dammit, I need a boyfriend, if only for reasons like giving me foot massages.

As for food... well, I picked at bits at work, which always makes it seem like you haven't eaten much when really it's been LOADS. Calories add up. Deary me. Today was a boring day, which I put down to eating more. Hopefully for the rest of the week I'll be rushed with jobs to do and won't have time to poke at the food.

Loads of my friends graduated today, which is pretty weird. This time next year, it'll be me! Mind, it'll be a relief to be out of uni. I can't wait to actually start properly earning and having a real life!

Dirty Sexy Things is on tonight, woohoo... in less than an hour! I need to hit the TV set. Tonight they're in Paris, probably doing more shoots and getting drunk and all that jazz. Ah, to be a model! I loved it in Bruno where he was asking a model how tough her job was and she was all, 'oh yeah, it's so tough,' and he was going 'yeah, it must be so hard to step on to the catwalk and have to put your right foot forward, then your left foot in front of that, then your right foot again.' And she was just going 'yeah, yeah, so hard,' just not getting it at all. Haha, oh the japes.

True, though, right? It must be so weird for your career to be based on how you can walk. I think it's even funnier watching guys walk on catwalks, as they don't even have the added burden of heels.

Speaking of all that, a friend recommended I consider applying for tickets to London Fashion Week next year. I could apply under 'Press', under my uni magazine. Hmm, tempting!

Peace out,

Q x

Hopes and dreams

My mum wants to start a diet tomorrow. I think I might join her. I feel like I've had my summer of indulging and it's time to man up a bit. I'm going to be reading and commenting on all your blogs loads for lots of inspiration. She also unearthed a hula hoop out of the garage. Supposedly 10 minutes of hula hooping burns the same amount of calories as 10 minutes of jogging! Crrrazy. I'm gonna give that a whack and see if it gives me the waistline I crave.

I'm going to try and get up early too, as I'm working at 1pm til 8 every day this week. It's back to the foody job that occupied my life last summer. Ho hum! Here comes the self control...

So I've decided what I reeeally want to try and aim to do post-university. I'm going to spend the next year researching small but desperate-for-copy magazines in New York, and see if I can get some sort of employment there. If that fails, I plan on applying for a Mountbatten internship. Even if it isn't exactly the kind of internship that I'd dream of, I still need some time abroad to find myself (without the lengthy cost and aimless wandering of travelling - I want to get straight into the business world.) And New York is the dream. I'm planning on deleting my Facebook page and severing ties with a lot of people. Dangerous? Probably. But I'm so happy and self-sufficient on my own. I have confidence in myself, and I'll never cut ties with my family; I expect they'll be full of support. I'm going to try and get a teeny bit of extra dosh over the next year by selling fillers and copy to specialist magazines. Me and my dad did a bit of brainstorming today and I have potentially got a lot to write about.

I want to escape! Although I have enough on my plate next year, I need to start making my career a priority. As soon as I leave uni, it'll all come plunging and hit me in the face, and I need some sort of preparation for that.

I think I might start my research tonight. Even if it's an online publication, anything is a possibility. And hopefully my CV will be brimming after uni, so employers might just be bothered enough to fill out all the Visa paperwork and get me on my way. Who knows!

I turn 20 next month, which marks the start of a brand new decade in my life, and my god, I want the twenties to be good! You only live once, right? Better work towards your dreams while you can. What are your dreams?

Big up,

Q x