The SGD

AKA the Skinny Girl Diet. Sort of like the ABC diet I suppose, but I think you get to eat more. Myself and AAOS are beginning it on Monday (check out my progress here and her progress on her amazing blog - http://questtobebest.blogspot.com - it's a good'un!) and we'll see how well it goes, eh! I've never done anything like this before but in 30 days Halloween approaches... so if it helps me get super skinny by then, s'aaall good.

Had my personal trainer session yesterday... man, he's such a DICK. He just kept taking the piss out of me, but not even in a funny way. I just felt patronised. He didn't kill me like he did my friends though - just made me do 20 minutes on the treadmill, varying between jogging and sprinting. Towards the end the sprinting got REALLY hard, so at least he gave me a workout. He said next week he might make me do circuit training which I guess will just be me manically running around the studio doing stupid little exercises, making myself look like a tit. With anyone else, I'd embrace looking stupid, but with him... I know it's going to be mega uncomfortable. Ah well, next week's the last session then I'm DONE with him!

Freshers Week starts tonight... so mad partying every night, yes? I'm sorry, bloggers, I'm CRAP at this. Being a student and trying to restrict is so hard. Food's a doddle, but the alcohol... it's unavoidable! My liver is crying out for relief. I've heard the body metabolises alcohol before it does food, so I figure if I keep to low-cal alcohol drinks (like vodka mixers) it won't be too bad. Who knows. DEFINITELY need the SGD diet right now.

My eating is also so rubbish right now. Guess it's the whole pre-periodic thing. I hope. Because then it'll pass.

Freshers Week is going to be full of mayhem, and probably a lot of drama... I'll keep you updated!

Ahh, where's my courtesy thinspo pic? It'll have to go at the bottom of the post.

Say bye-bye to your thighs, Q!

Over and out,

Q x

Hello, treadmill

I think I'm at the phase of my cycle where I'm pre-periodic, as I'm getting SO HUNGRY these days. I can't be sure because I don't get periods any more because of my contraception, but I'm guessing. Bah. My eating is allll messed up. And Freshers Week starts tomorrow!

I'm so stressed and unhappy right now. Stressed about my finance being rubbish, stressed about registering for uni, stressed about Freshers stuff... stressed about boys! Last night I went out and got absolutely ZERO male attention all night. I was unknowingly drunk and lost my friends and just thought hey ho, I'm gonna go home. Hahaha. What a loser I am.

The taxi driver was such a joker. It's normally about a fiver to get home but when I asked him how much, he goes "about 12 quid". I was like whaaaat? But he was kidding.

Still missing Boy like you would not believe. Sorry, J. Done with 'Boy'.

My GOD, my posts are mundane.

Had such a good bout on the treadmill yesterday. 25 minutes straight running, which is good for me. 5 minutes fat burn, then! I was dying to get to 30 but couldn't hack it. Some hot guys came up and started running next to me, and I felt like a twit with no make-up on all smelly and sweaty... then later on they turn up at my house for pre-drinks, oh great! At least they got to see me dolled up, so that beautiful gym look wasn't a lasting memory. Tonight I've got a session with my personal trainer and A told me when he had one the other day he absolutely KILLED him, so I'm actually pretty nervous! Supposedly he just made him sprint to death on an incline on the treadmill for half an hour... I SUCK at running so I'm worried he'll ramp me up to some ridiculous speed and I will literally just slide off the end and crumple on the floor as my tiny legs whizz to keep up and fail.

The session is at 8... so I'm allowing myself soup at like, half 6. Eating past 4, woah, unlike you, Q! Ah, we do what we have to do. It sucks, but hey ho.

lovelybones went on some calorie count website and it predicted what weight she should be... I went on that website and couldn't find that bit but I went on how many calories I should be consuming a day to hit my goal weight (8 and a half stone). 1500 a day. BAHAHAH. Fo reeeal? Even when I wasn't restricting I'd eat less than that and I just stayed the same weight/put on weight. They do say dieting women need 1500 cals a day. What? Does anyone actually get super skinny from that?

Rubbish.

I'm really curious to find out what weight it thinks I should be haha... so if you're reading, lovelybones, direct me, please!

Alrigh, speak later.

Q x

OMG

I suck. BLAAARGH. Remember when I said I don't want this eating malarkey to interfere with my social experiences with my friends? Well G and M wanted to go to G's for dinner and make pasta, so I went with, but OH DEAR. Pasta. With cheese. And then cookies. Could anything be worse? I went to the gym after but was feeling so bloated and horrible that I really wasn't feeling it. And then we got back and I was watching a film with A... and I wanted to keep eating. So I had a bowl of cereal.

DOH!

I feel embarrassed to tell you lot but I want to be 100% honest. This is the SECOND NIGHT I've eaten past 4pm and it's been fairly shitty food. This canNOT become a habit. Today I'm liquid fasting and I'll probably wait until Sunday to weigh myself.

I went to see the new Resident Evil yesterday with A... that film has so much thinspo in it! Milla Jovovich's body looked HOT, for one, then there was Ali Larter and another girl who was British and gorgeous... damn. I need to up the game if I want to look like them.

Freshers Week starts technically on Saturday. I did say I wanted to be 9 stone by then, but I think I'm still a few pounds over. I doubt I'll be about 4 pounds less in a couple of days, but hey, at least I'm close. And I'm still desperate to be 8 and a half stone by Halloween! Though I have no idea what I'm going as, yet... I did want to go as Miss Scarlett from Cluedo and wear a tight red dress (hence wanting to be skinny), red heels, red lipstick, etc. and then attach various murder weapons to myself. That could be a lot of effort, though. Damn, MOST Halloween costumes are far too much effort!

What are you going as?

Oh, big shoutout to AAOS... she's going through a scary time and I want her to know we all have her support! I'd be rubbish in a pregnancy scare, I think I'd go to pieces, but she's strong and I'm so impressed with the way she's handling it. Sending you massive internet love, sweet, hope things work out the way you want them to!

S'laters!

Q x

I'm moulting!

My hair is all over the house. It's annoying how I can't even blame it on anyone else, as the only other in this house who has long hair is blonde. There are long black hairs just lying around everywhere, I swear! It's ironic because I was talking to M recently about how I NEVER moult... jinxed it.

<<< Oh hi again, Vanessa Hudgens... sighhh.

WHY WHY WHY do I always binge before weigh day?? Last night we went to the pub and I was sitting opposite my friend G (girl mate) and behind her there was this picture of this gorgeous looking burger. I had to look at it whenever I wanted to talk to G. Me and M were just sitting there staring at it... M's a vegetarian but we were still fantasising about eating it. So M says to me "let's stop and get a burger on the way home" (veggie burger for her). I was like "oh no, I haven't got any money! I shouldn't, anyway." She was like "RUBBISH. I'm buying you one. Come on, let's go get one."

So I got a burger. And man, it was GOOD. But it didn't stop there. Remember L's birthday? He finally reached the point where he thought "ok, I'm not so hungover I can eat now" and whipped out the birthday cake - this massive chocolatey MESS. And he insisted we all had a slice. It was SO GOOD. But so fatty.

Bahhh.

Because of this, I'm scared to face Ricky... I'll eat normally today and check him out in the morning. I'm too worried about what that stupid amount of food late at night has done to my body.

I am feeling much skinnier these days, though. I feel like some of my bones stick out a bit more than they used to, like my collar bone and the top of my spine and my wrists, weirdly. I'm probably just imagining it, but it's good for the body confidence.

So, Boy sitch... M told me the details of exactly what he had said when she ran after him the other night, and oh mate. What a prick. Just... wow. "Q's just a friend to me. She knows that, I've made it perfectly clear." ERM NO YOU HAVEN'T. She feels like a nob for running after him, but I'm glad she did, as it was such a wake-up call. And now I'm piecing together the details of our fling of the last few months and it's all coming together... from how we got together in the first place to everything down the line. He doesn't fancy me. He probably TRIED to, but he doesn't. He liked the convenience of me, though, and the fact I was so willing, and he wanted to get over his ex girlfriend and thought this might help. But now he's hit a point where girls are throwing themselves at him... he doesn't need me. He needs to be single for a while until he can find a girl he really cares about and can commit to. And I need to hold out for a guy who knows what I'm worth.

Ha, that reminds me of that Alicia Keys song! A reeeal man knows a reeeal woman when he seees herrr! And a reeeal woman knows a reeeal man ain't afraid to please her... and a reeal man knows a reeeal woman always comes first! And a reeeal man just can't deny... a woman's worth!"

What a tune. I used to love that when I was a kid.

Speaking of songs, I was listening to this Sugababes song, and ugh, don't you hate it when the lyrics of a song completely MATCH your situation word-for-word? I was listening to this old Sugababes song and it seems to fit my head. Like a hat.

It's called Undignified. Just to prove how massively pathetic I am, here's the chorus:

So give me false hope and promise me you'll try
To redeem yourself for the hundredth time
Lie to me if you must, my dear
Give me a reason to have you here
Even false hope allows me to still believe
In this powerful love that's consuming me
I'm hooked on a drug that steals your pride
It's hard not to feel so undignified.

... Tragic.

Anyway, so I'm not gonna call him Boy any more. From now on he's just gonna get another generic friend title... he's gonna be called J.

And I'm still chewing the skin on my fingers to death. If anyone knows how to stop this stupid habit, let me know pronto.

Oh, I almost forgot - welcome, new followers! How exciting, I'm almost on double digits. Talk about pressure to be entertaining!

Love y'all.

Q x

Croikey.

What a night! I was right, I did regret that post... but I was so angry and wanted to vent. Thank the lord I seem to be able to write and text perfectly when drunk... you know what I mean, not all "helklo mnmny name isss Q" or any of that.

Thank you thank you for the comments. I do love you lot so much.

<< I looove Lauren Conrad. I seriously think she's gorgeous and she's so skinny! Perfect thinspo.

It was a bizarre night... I mentioned it was L's birthday, well he collapsed on the dance floor in one of the bars we went to. Luckily I was with 12 guys so it wasn't a problem getting him outside (I really do have too many bloke mates) and he had to be taken away by an ambulance. A went with him. I kept texting/phoning A to see if L was ok, and at about 2am, he texted back and said he really wanted company. So I went to try and find him, but I had no idea where the hospital was... he gave me directions so I tried to follow them but trust my phone to DIE. So I'm strolling around the city at 2am with no idea where to go, without a phone, either. When his directions completely failed, I walked allllll the way back to the club (I had been walking a WHILE) and ended up getting a cab. Got there, and A wasn't there. Dithered around a bit til a nurse told me where to go, and directed me to some room... and there was L, lying on a hospital bed, unconscious. I work in a hospital so I'm used to seeing patients, but seeing him as one was really scary, with the little white band around his wrist and everything. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I settled for laughing. What a way to welcome in his 20th birthday!

I was with him for a while (with him waking up occasionally and muttering random things) until A FINALLY turned up with M and Boy Mate K. A was completely LIVID. I get the impression from all of them that A had been worried about me and was convinced I'd been kidnapped or raped or something (I suppose my phone dying didn't help) and was running around at the speed of light, panicking. SERIOUSLY panicking. I was kind-of intrigued about what he was like, but of course he calmed at the sight of me, though he seemed pretty shaken up. Him and M were chatting in the cab home (when L got the all-clear) - "so terrified... thought something had happened to her outside that bar... oh my god, don't even want to think about it."

I felt so bad for working them up. But is it weird I felt kind of touched, as well?

Then we get home and the first thing I see is Boy and that girl... A hugged him to death when he saw him (hadn't seen him for 4 months) but I don't think A's even that interested in him, he just likes him because I'm involved with him. Course, now, I hate the fact he hugged him. So then, as I said last night, Boy left with this girl and M chased after him... and it all went downhill from there. I'm kind of worried what she said to him, but I imagine she seriously stuck up for me. Apparently at one point the girl tried to get a word in but M just looked at her and said "no, don't talk to me." I'm pretty sure I've mentioned, but M can be veeeery intimidating!

Cor, was it care-for-Q night or what?

Food yesterday was really good. Had some cornflakes for brekkie with skimmed milk. If you're on semi-skimmed, I really recommend switching to skimmed - it tastes exactly the same to me, but so much less fatty! Then went to the gym, then had half a bowl of this chicken curry thing, which was really nice, at about 3. And that was it, though I bet the alcohol calories didn't really help things. I reckon by food I must've had about 400 cals, though I have nooo idea how many cals were in all the alcohol... let's not think about it! Today I'm thinking grilled sausage for breakfast (hangover foood!) and chicken salad for lunch, as I have a chicken breast I really need to grill. Hooray! Meaty day...

Doubt I'll make it to the gym today as my feet are KILLING after last night and my muscles are aching after stretching yesterday, but I'll let myself off for having a day off.

Alright, let's see how Tuesday goes!

Q x

Dear Boy.

I don't understand you.

The other night you were kissing me and holding me like you never wanted to let me go. Then you go and sleep with MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR. Some girl I've never met. And you have the CHEEK to turn up right outside my house with her, some random slag that I don't care about.

How could you? M chased after you and what was your excuse? "Me and Q aren't going out". That's NOT an excuse. You know how much I missed you over summer? I even subconsciously counted down the days til you arrived... and you do this to me. You haven't even texted or called me. She's probably in your bed right now. I don't even want to think about it.

I'm lying in my bed, alone, crying over you. And you're with her. I know it.

I don't know what to do. I thought you were It. Not The One, that's too extreme. But It. The guy I needed, right now, in my life. The guy who could solve things. Who could mend me. Who could get rid of this aching heart-wrenching loneliness.

This is the second time you've got with some girl whilst we had something going on. I forgave you the first time. How many times can I do it?

I was in the hospital. With my friend, making sure he was FUCKING BREATHING. He was lying there crying about the fact he was so embarrassed at what a state he had got in, and I cried with him. A went flipping mental when he couldn't find me. A nearly tore his hair out. AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT. YOU WERE FUCKING SOME RANDOM GIRL.

I think... I think we're done.

I'm writing this at quarter past 4 in the morning. I've had alcohol. I'll probably regret this post when I wake up tomorrow (or today... technically). I'm desperate for some support. I hate you right now.

I hope the next time you see me, I'll weigh a stone less. Then you can see what you've done to me.

Sincerely.

Q x

Sundays are HARD.

Today's liquid-only diet was almost a success... my only let down was when Boy Mate K (that's right, more names to remember!) offered me a jam doughnut. I refused at first but then caved and ate one. And I probably got a bit too happy with the chocolate milk. Ah well.

On the plus side, hopefully burned off at least 500 calories at the gym. I know that's seriously laaame compared to some of you but for me that's a start... and I only had a fairly diminished workout (no resistance machines yet, no dancing in the studio) so I figure it can only get better from here! Sucked at the treadmill, ran about 15 minutes then stopped and walked for about 5 then ran for about another 6 minutes... wish I hadn't stopped in the middle, but I had such a stitch! How do you get rid of stitches? Do you just have to fight through them? Man, it SUCKS when you feel one coming on just as you're beginning to get going. Can't imagine having one as you start running a marathon or something. At the end I was so hungry I truly thought my stomach was going to explode.

I hate living with 6 boys.

They do not stop EATING. It is literally non-stop. And they are boys, young blokes, all aged 19 - 20, so they are perfectly entitled to do it, and of course will burn it all off with their super young-man metabolisms... it's not fair! But it's so so hard when you're sitting in the living room trying not to think about food and restraining yourself from running into the kitchen and devouring the place, and they walk in with some delicious looking meals or takeaway food. And it's difficult being with M, too... whenever we so much as leave the house the first and last thing she has to do is buy food. She can't go into a shop for something innocent like milk without buying cookies and chocolate and cake, too. We'll be on the way home from the gym and I'll be absolutely STARVING and the LAST thing I want to do is think about food and she'll make us walk into Subway or somewhere... it's too difficult!

This is the test of the gods. If I can successfully restrict after an entire YEAR of this, there's nothing I can't do!

The other day they were all eating in the living room and I was there and I was SO HUNGRY that I gave up and went into the kitchen, got the milk out of the fridge and tipped myself a bowl of cornflakes. Hadn't put the milk in yet. But then I thought I'd put in too much, so I picked some of the cornflakes out of the bowl with my hands and put it back in the box. And I still thought it looked like too much, so I picked out more and put it back. And I kept picking and picking until there was nothing left in the bowl, so I put the bowl back in the cupboard and put the cornflakes and milk away.

What the...? Am I going mad?

I really, really hope I've lost a lot of weight by Wednesday (next weigh-day - a few pounds will do) as you don't know how close I am to losing all hope. I hate feeling constantly malnourished. I want it to be worth it, and right now, I feel like it's not. I need to see change or I'm going to go mad!

I don't know how I'd do it without you lot here to support me. I don't know how any girl or guy can do it without this kind of support! I really, really want to succeed for me AND for you, but I feel like my body isn't letting me. Just push on, I suppose...

Q x